Candles in the Wind

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

-- William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act V, Scene V

Snuffed out just like a candle, Mr. Tim Russert is gone. The suddenness is almost overwhelming. We can adjust to death more easily when it comes in its natural course, but to have someone this visible taken so suddenly shocks us all. My thoughts and prayers of course go to his family.

This is a time to speak well of the dead, and I'm not going to attempt to tarnish any legacy he has left. He saw his task as one of reflecting events, and not as a moral arbiter. He asked some pretty tough questions when he got the chance, and he so obviously loved his work and his life that it's very affecting, especially in this moment. We've suffered a serious loss to the political dialogue as well as a touchstone for all that is happening in this world. I would have much preferred if he were still around to share it with.

I have two themes on my mind as I write this. One is how deeply this touches my sense of the fragility of life, and with my recent history, that shouldn't be too surprising. The other is the media in general, and its place in our lives. They're practically family sometimes, but I'm sorry to say it's still a largely dysfunctional arrangement. The kinds of conversations we need to be having, the new dialogue that I promised will start to take place as these months roll on, are only beginning to surface, and I heard some of it only days ago from Russert himself. After Obama won the nomination, I recall Russert suggesting that the media task itself in the weeks ahead to push aside trivialities and focus hard on the main issues. It sounded almost like a mandate coming from Russert, although I have my skepticism as to how well the media is going to behave between now and November. I think we may have lost some of that push toward discipline from the media this afternoon, and I do believe we'll feel that loss. I hope we all try to take up the slack from Mr. Russert just a little when we have the chance, and do our part to hold the candidates fully accountable. I have my own opinions about what will happen if we can do that, and perhaps your opinions differ. I think yesterday's 5-4 Supreme Court decision is as vividly graphic a reminder as you can have that we are teetering on a precipice between reason and madness. What responsibilities might the media have for helping us to cope with such a crisis? I think it's obvious that we're not getting the whole story much of the time. Important stories aren't being sufficiently reported, the range of allowable opinions is severely restricted, more cogent and coherent perspectives are rarely offered, and the trivial perspective with disturbing subtext is by far preferred in many venues. To rely on the mainstream media sources for information is merely to float above the surface of the truth, and all too often to be so tragically misled as to go to war on a faraway nation and witness the corruption of all the nobler ideals of the American soul. Media! The MSM! What have you done?

We have dramatically new sources of information now. The internet is a new world, and the old guard doesn't begin to have a handle on it yet. They'd love to control it, eliminate net neutrality, and turn this free internet into another tool for feeding us only what they want us to get. We have to protect it. It's through the internet, through YouTube, through the ability to research and Google and blog and viral video that we begin to establish a more intelligent and comprehensive point of view, one that highlights the cognitive dissonance of the mainstream talking points. We have a long way to go. The media is a monster of conglomerate corporate power. I have no idea whether it's good or evil, and perhaps that doesn't even matter. Those familiar faces we see every day are extremely well paid, and they're going to have to pay a lot of extra taxes if Obama is elected, many of them paying a million or more than they're paying now. How does that affect their opinions? That isn't chump change, even if you're Wolf Blitzer. Don't expect objectivity when there are stakes involved like that. This is all just going to get weirder.

Until it stops. And it could stop at any moment. What must we do to take each vanishing, precious moment and say we have lived it as fully as ever we knew how? We go along with a smugness that says we must be immortal, and in an instant, a puff of wind, and we're no more. Full of sound and fury. I'm going to give Russert credit one more time. When I hear people talk about him today, what I hear being emphasized most about him was his love. It has the ring of truth to it. I believe this was a truly loving guy, and I think in the final balance that's all you can do. Right now, I think this big dysfunctional family just needs a hug.

I Love Life

I'm back. Sort of. I've kind of had a tough time health-wise the last few weeks, and my good intentions with this blog got waylaid just a bit. I'm going to do more to support my health -- I promise -- and we've got warmer weather coming up, and that's going to help me a lot. I'd like to see if I can get back to taking a few minutes every day to put my thoughts down. I'm not sure if I've had many worth recording the last few days, but here goes nothing.

I don't want to dwell on poor health, but it does, as they say, have a wonderfully concentrating effect on the mind. I've smoked my way into a pretty severe case of emphysema, and I'm getting serious now about wanting to kick the habit. Here's a fascinating new product: e-cigarettes! I'm seriously considering placing an order. Electronic cigarettes, good grief! But the simulation is impressive. There's actual nicotine, and smoke is simulated with water vapor. It's so close to the ritual of the real thing, complete with nicotine, that it sounds crazy enough to work. Of course, you wouldn't be saving much money. Twenty nicotine refills are equivalent to two cartons of cigarettes, and it looks like they run for about $39.00, so in essence you're still paying about two bucks a "pack". I'm gonna try it. Hey, what have I got to lose?

I'm propped up by some pretty massive drugs right now. So, now you know, you want to make something of it? I'm using the high-strength Advair (500/250), plus Spiriva, and a whopping 40 mg/day of prednisone. I won't be able to stay on the prednisone much longer, but it sure is helping for now. It's always better when your need for air doesn't outpace your capacity to take it in, but I've been on the losing end of that equation for several months now, and it's been hard even to meditate. I've tried to keep up with the outside world through all the usual sources, but I haven't had much energy to spare. Here's hoping I'll have a little reserve for a while here. My thoughts aren't worth all that much, but it helps me to sort things out. If I can start turning my focus away from the personal here, and do a little reflecting about our common experience, maybe I'll have a post here or there that says something useful. You'll never know unless you try.

I know that it's really good to be alive. It's an exquisite luxury to be a human being in this time, and attempt to process all the complexities of our experience in some meaningful way. I've been pretty vividly reminded how brief and fleeting all of this really is, and that really does make you appreciate the simple things for what they are. It's good to be here. We've got lots to do, but I don't care. I'm really excited about being around to witness this exciting time.

When I've been able to meditate, I've felt it's somehow easier than it was. I think it's something about understanding how foolish it is to try and "accomplish" something by meditating, so I'm pretty happy just to sit there. I don't know what it's good for, so I just do it, and that's that. Then I do other things. Enough on that for now.

We've got a face-off going on right now between our two candidates for the 44th Presidency of the United States, and I think it's sufficiently important to give it a lot of attention, even to the detriment of other concerns, till this is resolved. I really believe these next five months are going to be as important as any I've known in my life. I made a similar comment yesterday on Huffington Post, and got a response that I must lead a pretty sheltered life. I was a little hurt, I think. What's happened to me personally is arguably more important, I suppose, but it seems to me we're at a crisis point in the determination of our future, both as a nation and even, perhaps, as a species. We have the most historic presidential candidate ever in Barack Obama, historic on so many levels due both to his race and to the nature of the way in which his campaign was financed, by people like myself instead of by the usual suspects. On the other side it appears we have a man who has jettisoned any personal opinions he's ever had in return for power, with the support of the cancerous outgrowths of corruption that have spun the world nearly into madness and self-destruction. The contrasts would seem to be so clearly drawn that old boundaries really may have been transcended, and we may be redefining ourselves and our loyalties for some time to come.

Is the choice really black and white? And how confusing is it to even use those terms now, given the candidates? Everything's topsy-turvy. I've never in my life seen things start to fall apart all at once like this. The economy is outrageous, the current administration is twisting slowly in the wind of its own exposed corruption, and the disparate mentalities of America attempt to grapple with all this and find a way forward. John McCain is transparently championing our current directions, and I can barely take my eyes off those Americans who listen and nod in agreement. It's like watching a crash in slow motion. These are truly lemmings headed for the sea, even if they should win. There will be a new kind of dialogue this year, and I don't think most of us are prepared for it.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

-- The Walrus and the Carpenter, Lewis Carroll