Peace On Earth

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Democracy

I've been meaning to come back to this blog. It's still useful as a journal, but I'm not sure I would have known what to write these last few weeks. I've needed to allow some things to redefine themselves. A lot of this was prompted by the confirmation of Michael Mukasey as Attorney General, as I've written about before dropping out of sight. But, honestly, I've also been quite ill. I've been started on a new treatment, and though it seems to be working less well today, on Sunday and Monday I started feeling much improved, so I'll give it time. I'd love to feel like I could get out and do more things. I certainly have a wish to be more active. The spirit is willing. We'll see.

So much has happened in the last few weeks that I couldn't review it all here even if I wanted to. There's more torture in the headlines, of course. That stuff just never seems to go away once it gets started, does it? Part of my paranoid brain wonders if the "torture tape" revelations weren't as much a distraction from the NIE scandal as anything else, although the administration is still doing a dance around that issue. In any event, as usual, when things come out, there's almost too much to process, and practically none of it is dealt with in any depth. Meantime, we're still spilling oil, killing monks, and raping young women in Baghdad, with no end anywhere in sight.

So, how've you been?

I still can't rekindle any enthusiasm for presidential politics, or even for Oprah, although I taped the Iowa rally on C-SPAN, and watched it afterward. I'm not sure why my disgust hadn't hit critical mass before now, but allowing Mukasey's confirmation without a fight was the last straw. I'm not ready to tear down everything, but I'm convinced there are an awful lot of seriously compromised people in government now. That's not really a big surprise, I guess, but this level of compromise, on these kinds of issues -- torture, corruption, lying, etc. -- this close to the awareness level of the general public puts things into bold new territory. If things happened as they should, an awful lot of people would go down hard. That shouldn't be a huge tragedy. We have 300 million people in this country. We can find people to take their places. I don't think most of that is going to happen, of course, barring more surprises, but just because the corruption may be around for some time to come doesn't mean I should give up. It's going to be a long struggle, and at least some of the candidates are still better than others. Just hold your nose next November, and go ahead and vote for somebody.

I've been reading plenty, and again, there's too much to review. I finally got around to reading Naomi Klein's The Shock Doctrine, which I highly recommend. I've continued to read Noam Chomsky's books extensively, as well as watching some of the massive amounts of video featuring Chomsky on the internet. I've gotten to know his thinking much better, and Naomi Klein's work is an excellent extension of that effort. There are, and have been, so many actions that are difficult to view as anything but rapacious greed and powerlust that it does seem like a conspiracy. Fortunately, thinkers such as those mentioned here realize it's a lot more complicated than that. There are bad people, of course, and we see some of them on television every day, but there's also just the whole mechanism, larger than any one of us, driving corporations to profit or die, driving reporters to toe the line or be ignored, driving politicians to compromise or be smeared. It feeds on itself, and some of the worst offenders just want to be rescued, I think.

I'm still searching for redefinitions, and I don't know yet how regular I'll be with blog entries, but it feels like these entries are worth doing, and I'll just have to play it by ear. I've been meditating, of course, both koan and pure zazen styles of meditation. Koan meditation still presents issues for me. Perhaps there's a way to take an orderly approach to koan meditation, but I'm not so sure. Its intention, for me, is to focus so intently on the question as to force a mental crisis. I've had these crises in small ways before. They're like the Eureka! moments when we've examined a problem from all sides, and just when we're about to give up the answer pops into our heads. I've had those moments in theater after agonizing about an interpretation for my character, and many times in programming when the third rewrite of a module left me in despair before I suddenly saw the problem. That's koan meditation. But I'm having trouble taking "Mu" seriously, I'm ashamed to admit. It's a very serious question after all, because it's like asking Who am I? Perhaps because it's so serious, and not a programming problem or an alter ego on stage, that I'm still reluctant to give myself to it fully. I'm 60 years old, folks. I may have had all the mental crises I'm going to have. That's not my final word on this topic, but meantime, my pure zazen has an element that I'm tempted to call satisfying. I feel a sharpness to my attention that feels useful in helping me to collect myself, and every little bit helps.

Here are a couple of short Chomsky videos I plucked off YouTube. I may come back later and add comments for them. But Chomsky speaks very simply about politics. He leaves the linguistic scholar behind when he talks about propaganda and democracy, and he gets right to the point. The videos -- approximately 9 and 7 minutes, respectively -- present a Chomsky overview. If you want to know the gist of what Chomsky is saying, it's right here. It's very important to flesh it out with the details, as I have, but the basic message is very straightforward, and extremely thought-provoking, if you haven't heard it. In both videos, Chomsky quotes James Madison from The Federalist Papers (which I'm also reading, albeit slowly) when he says "the primary function of goverment is to protect the minority of the opulent from the majority", then proceeds to explore the implications of that approach as it's filtered down to our lives today. As old as the story seems, it's still a class struggle in our society. It's a lot of other things as well, of course, but the class system is a primary obstacle to a more reasonable sharing of responsibilities, and it's a very important part of the problem.

I just finished watching an excellent video on LinkTV featuring the Dalai Lama. It was made back in 2003, but it's fascinating, as journalists, politicians, business people, and environmentalists discussed ethical issues with the Dalai Lama. It's in the spirit of people such as the Dalai Lama I would like to base my continuing quest for a positive way forward through the dilemmas we're facing. I think we're going to have to deal with some very tough things. I think I've been a little bit guilty of naivete, thinking that we might be close enough to really positive efforts that just a little push here or there might be enough to cause dramatic results. It's disheartening to think that, difficult as it already seems, it's even harder than you thought, and there aren't many real saviors on the horizon. As Gandhi once said when asked what he thought of western civilization, "I think it would be a good idea."

Nowhere To Go

I wanted to reach some sort of resolution of the quandary I've been in before I posted anything again, but here I am, still stuck in the same rut. Everyone else has "moved on" from the confirmation of Mukasey as AG, and I have too, in a way. I just don't particularly like where I've moved on to.

The vote, if you recall, was 53-40, and it takes 41 to block the vote. That means that any single one of the presidential candidates could have arrived on the scene and made like Mr. Smith goes to Washington, blocking the vote, filibustering if necessary, and saving Congress and the Department of Justice from approving a man who refused to condemn torture. It might have been Clinton, Obama, Biden, Dodd, or even McCain. But no one showed. Personally, I haven't been able to shake the idea that, for such a thing to happen, every member of Congress must be corrupt. So, I've backed away from involvement with Barack Obama's presidential campaign, and backed away from politics in general. Maybe there's some notion in my head that, if I don't tie in with the politicians, I can retain my sense of honor, but I'm not sure if that really holds up. In any event, I'm not much inclined to be enthusiastic about the campaigns now. I watched the CNN debate last week, and thought it was pretty obscene, for the most part. That's been hashed and rehashed, so I won't go through it here. I guess I've spent enough time talking about my Quixotic quest for something really noble to happen, too. There's precious little tolerance for anything truly noble in Washington, after all. They'd much rather be waterboarding.

So, where to? I'm not sure, actually. Definitely, things have changed for me. Am I an anarchist now? Well, I don't know about that, but I'm pretty disillusioned. I think my natural tendency is toward the naive and innocent, and I'm perpetually crestfallen when the real world turns out very differently. You have to admit this is a pretty extreme case, though. Yeah, we torture, so what? Let's move on.

I can still meditate, and I'm trying to work with koans. If you've never heard of a koan, here's a little background. There are generally considered to be two schools of Zen, one called Soto and the other called Rinzai. Normally, I adhere to the Soto school of thought, with an emphasis just on sitting zazen, or some similar activity. The Rinzai method often includes the study of koans. In reality, there is no great divide between the two schools. My favorite Zen master, Shunryu Suzuki, refers most frequently to Dogen among the old masters, but Dogen frequently used koans. The "knock" on koans, if there really is one, is that, although they can yield profound insight in a relatively shorter time than pure zazen, it's possible to master many koans without necessarily achieving some of the deeper effects that might lead to becoming a more mature and compassionate individual. In other words, a koan may sometimes act as a shortcut to insight, but with all the drawbacks shortcuts usually entail.

My very superficial comparison hardly does justice to koan study, which can be every bit as rigorous as pure zazen sitting, and have just as profound an effect on the personality. Real koan study involves many hundreds of koans requiring a lifetime to master, but my comparison does contain a grain of truth. Even so, I think it's useful for me to strive for a little extra insight right now, so I'm studying the classic koan known as Mu. The word Mu is Japanese for what may have been Wu in the original Chinese, and translates loosely into No, or perhaps Nothing. It was the response master Joshu gave when asked if a dog has the Buddha nature. In studying this koan, the point is just to focus on Joshu's response until Mu is fully understood. If that sounds like nonsense, that's because it is. Other koans, such as "what is the sound of one hand clapping", or "what is your original face before you were born" are just as nonsensical from the everyday point of view. A koan is unique in that it expresses a spirit that is uniquely Zen, and it's that spirit that the student is tasked to revitalize within his or her own spirit, in such a way that a Zen master might explore the student's understanding of Mu, or the sound of one hand, until the master is sure that the student has fully understood the koan. That understanding can only be gained by a dedicated, whole-hearted effort by the student. It might take months, or it might take years. I have tried to come to terms with Mu for about 34 years, albeit mostly as a dilettante. Now, I'm in the position to make a concerted effort, so here goes.

Perhaps I'm switching to koan study out of my deep frustration with everything that's going on, but it's just an experiment of sorts. In all likelihood, I'll switch back to the more even-keeled approach of Soto Zen before long. Koans have the potential to get you all worked up, partly because they don't make any rational sense no matter how you look at them. The fact that they do make sense, in a distinctly Zen way, can be even more maddening as the frustration builds.

For either method, the three pillars of Zen still provide the necessary support: great faith, great doubt, and great determination. I think I've always had faith, whether it's great or not, I suppose remains to be seen. Everything that's happened recently adds to a great sense of doubt, and I'm in a position right now to doubt most everything. That leaves great determination. I'm still working on that one.

The Fierce Urgency of Now

I am running in this race because of what Dr. King called "the fierce urgency of now." Because I believe that there's such a thing as being too late. And that hour is almost upon us.
-- Barack Obama

I've been a staunch Barack Obama supporter for some months now, but I've been mostly inactive for the past few days, just as I've avoided this blog. I've been somewhat busy, but I've also been scanning the news, the internet sites, and elsewhere for some story, some reaction that would make me feel that I'm not alone trying to deal with the feelings I've been having. They started the middle of last week, when I realized the confirmation of Michael Mukasey for Attorney General was inevitable, and I guess I should have been prepared for the abrupt swiftness of the actual confirmation vote and the swear-in, but it hit me like a sucker punch to the solar plexus, and for someone who already has breathing issues, I felt like it did a lot more than take my breath away. I just didn't know what to do anymore. I still don't.

I watched a video of an inspiring speech Obama gave over the weekend in South Carolina, and I'm embedding a YouTube video of that speech at the bottom of this blog. I recommend that you watch this video, especially if you like fiery political speeches. This is a good example of the charisma of Barack Obama. But I'm not necessarily here to praise Barack Obama. I'm trying to write about the difficulty I'm having supporting him, or any other candidate, right now.

There was plenty of protest over Mukasey while the Judicial Committee was deliberating, but once Schumer and Feinstein voiced their support for his confirmation, it was stunning how quickly and smoothly the confirmation process proceeded from there. Obama had issued his three-paragraph objection, but neither he nor any other Presidential candidate even bothered to cast a vote when the decision was passed to the Senate. Mukasey more or less breezed through with a 53-40 vote, and was sworn in within 24 hours, I believe. Obama continued to make speeches in Iowa, and fielded questions from Tim Russert yesterday on Meet The Press, where the question of Mukasey never arose. Now, as I look through the stories, articles, and blogs, everyone seems to have forgotten all about it, and moved on. Everyone except me.

I'm still sort of having a problem adjusting to this torture idea. Perhaps I need counseling. I have a problem that no one but me seemed to think that an Attorney General of the United States who wouldn't denounce waterboarding or declare limits to Presidential power was so unacceptable that it had to be fought, by blocking the vote, filibustering, or whatever had to be done. I have a really serious problem that the candidates thought they could largely ignore the whole thing. Finally, I have a problem realizing that so few, if any, have the same problem as I do. Is there something wrong with me? Perhaps I should rethink torture, and maybe cannibalism and child molestation as well. It's possible I've been too harsh in condemning these practices. Different strokes, and all that.

The quote at the top of this blog is from the speech you can watch at the bottom of this entry. I found it somewhat ironic in my current state of mind, because I take "the fierce urgency of now" perhaps a bit more literally. When I think of now, I think of today, not next November. Perhaps many view the ugly politics that have brought us Michael Mukasey as merely the death throes of a discredited administration, but I rather doubt that the Bush Administration people feel the same, nor does the Republican party and its wealthy financiers. It seems to me that Washington corruption continues pretty much unabated, except for some scattered resignations that allow a few on the hot seat to lay low for a while. In this time right now, it almost seems that everyone, in fact, might be corrupt.

When I watch and listen to Obama's speech, I certainly don't feel like I'm listening to someone who's been corrupted, but I still can't forget that he allowed what should have never been allowed. My mental image of the Statue of Liberty now has her holding a piece of gauze and a jug of water. We've been sullied, pulled down into the mud right with this corrupt Administration, and by confirming Mukasey, we have become complicit. That's why I've taken this so hard, and that's why I believe any Senator with a voice and a conscience should have filibustered for days on end to prevent this. I don't know why I should have expected it, since no one except for Kucinich has done anything really brave in Congress for quite some time, but for me there is a special filth to this one, and I've taken it pretty hard. I've taken enough hard hits in life to recognize when something is going to take some recovery time, and this is one of those times. Whether I can justify snuggling up to our political system again, once I feel better, is a question I just can't answer right now.

I have been reading, though. I read Paul Krugman's The Conscience of a Liberal, which was high on my current reading list. I enjoy Krugman's writing style. Although he's an economist, his primary concern is people, not numbers, and he has a flair for packing information into interesting and highly readable prose that kept me turning the pages. His analysis of the evolution of the two political parties over the past century was very insightful, and very blunt in illustrating the manipulation of such elements as racism to drive the political agenda of what he terms "movement conservatives." Paul seemed so unrelentingly optimistic in his view of the future, though, I sometimes wondered what he was smoking. Perhaps I needed a dose of his irritating cheeriness in my current state, but it managed to grate on my nerves more than once. Perhaps if I had the ability to turn out a summary as succinct and withering as the following, I'd be more optimistic about the future, too:

Thanks to their organization, the interlocking institutions that constitute the reality of the vast right-wing conspiracy, movement conservatives were able to take over the Republican Party, and move its policies sharply to the right. In most of the country this rightward shift alienated voters, who gradually moved toward the Democrats. But Republicans were nonetheless able to win presidential elections, and eventually gain control of Congress, because they were able to exploit the race issue to win political dominance of the South. End of story.

-- Paul Krugman, The Conscience of a Liberal

I look at the elements in power now, and think about the people with bottomless bank accounts who support them, and I have trouble feeling sunny about the future, even if I manage to forget about global warming and Pakistan. Partly because the arguments of Paul Krugman and many others are so well honed, and partly because so many react so strongly to the message of Barack Obama, I worry even more about the other side. The progressive side has reasoned argument all in its favor, while the other side has money, racism, fundamentalism and Blackwater. Did I mention the other side has money? When the arguments for change are as strong as they are now, and the realities are instead Michael Mukasey and immunity for telecoms, I sense a disconnect that has me reeling for the moment. I'm not so sure this is going to be as easy as people think, and I'm not even so sure about the people.

Whenever I think I'm going to be free to just build on themes that I've introduced here, something comes along to put a monkey wrench in the whole machinery. I still have a lot of things to sort out, but in the meantime, this is a very good speech, so enjoy it.

What, Me Worry?

"You are old, father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

-- Lewis Carroll

I took my last prednisone today, hopefully for at least a while. That stuff makes you jumpy. It upsets your sleep patterns, it's no help at all in meditation, and I've been taking the stuff in big doses the last two months. It's been some benefit, not as much as I'd hoped, but I'll take what I can get, especially while I muddle through a transition in doctors, since the pulmonologist I'd been seeing has decided to leave his private practice. Meantime, my prescription for Advair (yay, another steroid!) unexpectedly expired, and I felt briefly as if I had myself fallen through the cracks of our dysfunctional medical system. By chance, I had visited a colleague of my new doctor some time back, which is more than I can say for my new doctor, who won't see me until next month. Only that visit to his colleague prompted his office to send a renewal of that prescription. Without it, and with my old doctor off to who knows where, I would have been in a world of hurt. Welcome to the Great Society!

Be that as it may... at least I'm getting a little more comfortable in my meditation again, with far fewer drugs in my system. Since I'm not so jumpy, I'm feeling less bored with sitting still, and I'm able to be consistently more quiet overall, and it feels good. I might even try to talk a bit about Zen this time. Let's just throw caution to the wind, what do you say!

If you're interested in Zen, but don't know much about it, I would certainly suggest you visit a Zen Center near you, and to buy or borrow some good books on the topic. I would hate to think you learned all you know from me. But I'll be happy to describe a little of what I do. You can compare it to what the experts say. I'm just a semi-retired actor/programmer. I know nothing.

I have the requisite Zen cushions, called a zafu and a zabuton, wherein the small round pillow (the zafu) is placed on the mat (the zabuton), so that one can sit on the small zafu cross-legged, with good support, and meditate in relative comfort for extended sessions. Of course, I don't always use the pillows. Sometimes, I defer to age, or perhaps laziness, and simply sit cross-legged in my large recliner chair. I personally think some formalities are overrated, but then, I told you I'm not the expert. For me, the important thing is to sit with good balanced posture and a straight, upright back. I really can't do the lotus; my legs are fairly muscular and thick, and they weren't close to being flexible enough even when I was meditating in my twenties. The lotus is better if you can do it, but mostly my legs are just crossed. I appreciate that form is very important in Zen, but I try to honor that mostly with my straight back and my cupped hands forming my mudra.

The mudra is very important. I relax my arms, but keep them slightly away from my sides, and lay the fingers of my left hand over those of my right, in front of me. My thumbs touch each other gently to form the "cosmic" oval close to my navel. My mudra has become pretty solid, my hands relaxed, and from there I just breathe, and focus on following my breathing.

I suppose the most difficult thing for anyone to deal with in zazen, other than some discomfort maintaining the zazen posture, is what to think. I have read and listened to many Zen masters on that topic for many years, and while they've all mostly said the same things, I have managed to remain confused for most of those years. Now, I'm much more ready to take what they said at the face value, and literally just think about each breath going in and out. I've dealt with the frustration of that seeming complete waste of time, and I've let my mind wander in fantasies more often than I'd care to admit. After a while, though, it starts to sink in, and I just pay attention.

I know the most completely wasted times I've spent in meditation were the times I felt like I was "making progress" toward being a "better me." Master Shunryu Suzuki would tell me that no time is really wasted, but it seems like nothing disrupts meditation faster than trying to see how well it's working. If you've read Buddhist literature of any kind, you know that the desire for personal gain is our fatal attachment, the root cause of all our pain and suffering. But that seems a very conceptual thing, and it's hard to imagine not being attached to this world and our ability to make ourselves useful to it in some way. Fortunately, Zen doesn't put much stock in concepts.

Now when I meditate, I feel the difference between the calm moment by moment experience of sitting and breathing slowly, and the tense diffusion of thoughts as I focus on goals and achievements while each of those moments drift slowly away. I am learning to appreciate those homely little moments on my zafu or chair, even if they're not very special. It's a little easier to see now that those moments will never come again, and if I don't enjoy them just a little bit now, the chance is lost forever. I know that when I stopped trying so hard to be a Zen master in my meditation, I started to feel just a little bit of what they must have felt. I know, too, that you may read this paragraph over and over again, but you'll only understand that when you are ready.

When I've written about Zen, I've tried to make it seem so prosaic one might wonder why bother to do it at all. I've described it as little more than calisthenics, and I'm not backing down on that score. Zen is terribly misunderstood here in the West. I think we're so anxious to imbue something like Zen with such extraordinary qualities that we completely cover it with our own opinions until it can't even be found. Folks, it really is just what it looks like. It's nothing fancy. You're more likely to improve yourself reading Chomsky, or watching Hardball, for goodness' sake. You're sitting cross-legged like a lump. It is what it is.

I've done a lot of calisthenics over the years. Until my condition began to really slow me down nearly two years ago, I was doing 300 toe-touches, 200 push-ups, and 150 sit-ups every day like clockwork, and I enjoyed being fit and energetic from that discipline. Even there, I knew the best push-ups were those when I really concentrated and paid attention. Even there, it took a focused mind to get results. That's all to say that there is something else about Zen that's a little like attitude. Perhaps a better way to put it is it's about heart. Beyond that, I would be hard pressed to give a description. If you try zazen, I think you'll understand.

I've often referred to my spiritual hero Shunryu Suzuki, and this is a good place to plug the late master's most famous books: Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind and Not Always So. Master Suzuki writes far better than I can about the delicate topic of the mental approach to zazen. For the most part, I would say don't worry about it. Don't be upset when your focus is poor, or your mind wanders. A standard approach that I still use myself on many occasions is to count your breaths from one to ten, and then start over. It helps to keep the mind focused on the breathing, and gives the mind less chance to get lost in its random thoughts. But that's bound to happen over and over again for quite a while. When it does, don't beat yourself up. It's part of the process. Just go back and start counting your breaths all over again.

If you start thinking about something, it's ok to go with that, and think that thought all the way through to its end. A good rule of thumb, though, is, as Master Suzuki would say, "there are no second thoughts in Zen." Don't look to follow up on that random thought once it's completed. Just go back to counting, or just following, the breaths. If and when another "compelling" thought wants attention, deal with it, don't just try and push it away. Soon enough, the more distracting thoughts are fewer, and your mind becomes calm and quiet as your breathing deepens. For me, this feels like coming back to point zero.

I'm not going to try and make you believe I know all about point zero. I've never actually made it that far, as near as I can tell. It's not that out of reach to get fairly close, though, and I think this may be one of the best ways to see the advantages of Zen. To use a truly disturbing analogy, the old (but still sometimes useful) practice of electroshock therapy has been used to disrupt the destructive patterns of mental patients. I think that approaching point zero in meditation might be a preferable approach to getting out of those mental ruts, if I'm allowed to choose. Once I go back to thinking again, my thought patterns may not have improved, but I've gotten them off to a little bit of a fresher start. I think it helps me to be more flexible and resilient.

It's good to take a little time out here and run my mouth about Zen a bit. I don't want to get too carried away with it. I definitely think it's useful not to make too much of Zen, and it's really counter-productive to get all excited about it. I like haikus as much as the next guy, but it's nice to just keep things in perspective. A fresh and flexible mind has a lot of potential, perhaps even the mind rattling around in my much-battered skull, but it certainly won't change things as much as you might hope. It's just a mind that's a little more ready for the task at hand.

Is there a way to prepare the mind for the things we're having to wrap our heads around now in this troubled world? Can we look at Musharraf in Pakistan without at least half a dozen really cataclysmic thoughts clamoring for dominance? Who's guarding the nukes? Is Musharraf giving George any ideas? Where's Osama? Then there's the redoubtable Michael Mukasey and his champions in the Senate. I know I'll always think of him as Mr. Waterboard. But hey, America was always over-rated anyway, right? I'm sure gonna miss it, though. We're just another country that tortures now. America is what you read about in history books.

I recommend a lot of meditation in the coming weeks. I think it will be important to stay as fresh as possible. There aren't many out there who act like they're paying much attention to that Big Mind that may be the better part of us all, but I'll do what I can to be quiet for Big Mind if it so much as whispers. I think right now we're going to need all the help we can get.

Silly Me

This is kind of a strange little blog, isn't it? Why would I want to have written such a thing, exposing myself to embarrassment for my somewhat unmetered remarks, admissions, and freewheeling assessments of current events and the state of our world? In this politically correct society, it's more advantageous to pull our appendages back into our shell, and go along to get along. How do my friends react? (Answer: I haven't told any of them about this, and if any have discovered this blog, they haven't confessed it to me.) Certainly, this blog represents an injudicious move on my part when it comes to preservation of my personal dignity within the social and professional circles within which I move. A better approach would have been to select purely non-controversial topics, such as programming, where I can lay some claim to professional expertise, and could quietly, uncontroversially, pass along some small packets of wisdom gained from experience to novice developers. That would have been the more prudent course of action.

What can I hope to contribute to the national debate, after all? I'm reaching far beyond my professional areas in my discussions, and often well beyond any personal decorum in the persona I project. It's pretty shameless, probably egotistical, and in the long run, just plain silly, especially given that the amount of effect I'm likely to have would be far outweighed by the sidelong glances cast by professional colleagues toward this endeavor. I'm just sort of urinating in the wind, as it were, and some of it is more than likely to just blow right back in my face. Now that's a disquieting image!

Why do I bother? Well, for one thing, I'm reminded, in ways some of my colleagues have not yet been forced to confront, of the very brief time we're allotted to make our little marks on society. I became somewhat frustrated in that attempt at Microsoft, because my health situation had begun to rob me of the physical capacities I needed to be fully effective in that environment. Perhaps, also, I knew that something else, of which this blog is but one visible attribute, was struggling inside of me to find expression. My background and education is in the arts, not computers. I had come to Microsoft specifically in the hope that I might add something to the digital environment that made life just a little bit easier somehow. That was always the promise of computing from my perspective, that it could take on some tedious task and relieve that burden from the humans who could benefit from the fruits of that labor. I have had occasion, especially in my earlier years of software development, to see my programs physically replace some of those human efforts, and see a chore that had once required hours become available at the press of a single button. In my world, I didn't eliminate workers; I freed them to spend more time solving the myriad other problems of their complex and multi-tasked professions. It was a collaboration that, when successful, provided benefits for all. I looked forward to finding some way to extend that path of involvement to the whole overburdened world. If I succeeded in some way, I can't say for certain. My work at Microsoft has borne little resemblance to the cul-de-sac environments of my earlier days, and any effect I may have had will be more difficult to measure. But I tried.

So what now? Should I continue to post these odd personal notations, as if my thoughts might actually make a difference in this world? It's apparent they've had little effect so far. From my little corner of the world, I can honestly say that I've never seen us collectively in such a mess, so perhaps my disconnected ramblings are justifiable in a society that's already out of control. I'm listening now to Thom Hartmann's radio show, as I often do, and he's interviewing Naomi Wolf about her recently published book The End of America. Thom commented that only a year ago, Naomi had been his guest to discuss the fairly innocuous subject of cosmetics, prompting Ms. Wolf to remark on how much has changed in only a year. Unless you've paid no attention at all, I suspect you'll agree, surely to some extent. This blog can be seen as another example of how much has changed.

I've stopped to listen to the interview of Naomi Wolf, and it's continuing through several of the ubiquitous commercial breaks. Ms. Wolf might be considered the Cassandra of today's progressive thinking, and her tone can sometimes strike the listener as over the top. My own perspective has changed in pretty obvious ways over the months of this blog's existence, and it's valuable to me to review these postings to see the changes over time. I'm beginning to wonder how many of us there are who still think the warnings of Ms. Wolf go overboard, and I suspect the entries here can serve, in their own way, as a chronicle of our dwindling sense of our comfort level about how things will work themselves out. The interview is over now, with a plug for the web site americanfreedomcampaign.org, which you may want to visit. I have, and I used it just now to send my senators a little reminder note about the confirmation of Michael Mukasey. Maybe every little bit does help. Or not. Who really knows?

Things have changed a lot over the past year. I really suspect you sense it as much as I do, although it's hard to tell. I went through this sort of agonizing, narcissistic self-assessment a couple of months ago, though not to this extent, and blogged about it here, of course. I tend to think my ravings may be viewed a little more sympathetically now. It's hard not to see that we're in trouble.

I do suspect that global warming is a far worse problem than we've even begun to come to grips with yet. I believe that feeds into the political climate in many ways, and lends to this accelerating sense of attempts at national redefinition. I'm not a climate expert, and don't expect my voice regarding climate change to ever rise above the level of vague and semi-apocalyptic warnings, so you're free to take that for what it's worth. I have paid sufficient attention to some of the details, even beyond just the details, of some of the questions we're asking now. I will soon be pausing to watch a show I'm recording from LinkTV called "Nobelity", a two-hour talk by a group of Nobel laureates on the problems we face today. You're still at work, most likely. I am watching, reading, thinking. I'm probably supposed to report on this somehow, so here I am.

My sense of things right now is that Michael Mukasey's confirmation is one more of those watershed moments. So far, those watersheds haven't done much beyond sending it all downhill. This one seems extra special, however. Our esteemed Senators poise on the verge of actually institutionalizing torture and imperial executives. Now that's a watershed moment we can be proud of! America will in a very real sense be redefined in this coming week, so try not to view such events as the writer's strike in complete isolation. All things work together, etc., as someone once may have stated.

My Tivo is busy in two directions, as it's also recording Wolf Blitzer for three solid hours. I'll put the Wolf on fast-forward mostly, but I'll get the gist. It appears to be a pretty eventful news day all around.

What We Owe To George Bush

Satar Jabar has a difficult day at Abu Ghraib

A government which deliberately enacts injustice, and persists in it, will ever become the laughing-stock of the world.

-- Henry David Thoreau

Try to look at the bright side. One day, we might look back and have to admit that we owe a great debt of gratitude to George Bush. No, I don't believe he will be vindicated by history, but it is possible that he will be seen as having inspired the people of the United States to confront great moral decisions with profound consequences for the world.

At this time, Congress, and the general public, is being asked to consider a new Attorney General of the United States to fill the post left vacant by the infamous Alberto Gonzales. The nominee, Michael Mukasey, would like to be confirmed despite his complete lack of clarity regarding practices of torture such as waterboarding. It has reached the stage where some citizens have taken it upon themselves to defend this practice as legitimate effort to acquire accurate and actionable information necessary to defend the liberty and freedom of Americans. The "debate", such as it is, mirrors numerous others in our society, and assists in sharpening the focus of a fundamental dichotomy. We are now forced to start making these decisions inside a context that defines our perception of ourselves as human beings. Thanks in no small part to George Bush, we are near to making the kind of brutally honest self-assessments we might otherwise have managed to avoid for at least another generation, probably more. I think we should be grateful.

I've had some brief conversations recently with some of my friends from Microsoft, but not enough to get any sense of their reactions to current events. There are a couple of guys I'd like to talk to, so I'm putting that on my to-do list. I don't know of many workplaces that allow politics to creep in very much, but everyone talks a little, and I'd like to have more perspective on how my colleagues have reacted to the stark exposures of the last few months. I tend to expect an understated response, but you never know.

A segment today on Keith Olbermann's Countdown discussed the difficulties with Mr. Mukasey's confirmation, aired the reactions today from President Bush, and offered some analysis from Newsweek's Jonathan Alter. Mr. Alter makes some very good points, but I was most struck when he noted that "there's a kind of cognitive dissonance here that's breathtaking." I've heard that term "cognitive dissonance" many times, and I'm sure I've even used it more than once. But quick! Tell me what it means, without looking it up! Hmm. Before looking it up, I see the word "cognitive" and know that refers to the thought process. "Dissonance" I'm a little fuzzier on, but I believe it's similar to "discordant" when referring to musical sound. Let's look it up: cognitive dissonance. (I'm hooked on Wikipedia. A side note: when I look up "dissonance" by itself, and also when I look up "discordant", I'm directed to the topic "consonance and dissonance" that defines "dissonance", and presumably some variant of "discordant", as "the quality of sounds which seems "unstable", and has an aural need to "resolve" to a "stable" consonance. At any rate ...) The Wikipedia definition begins: "Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term describing the uncomfortable tension that may result from having two conflicting thoughts at the same time, or from engaging in behavior that conflicts with one's beliefs, or from experiencing apparently conflicting phenomena."

So, "cognitive dissonance" can refer to a conflict in one's belief, or value, system. I know this is getting terribly convoluted, but we're working our way back around now. The issue of torture is a perfect microcosm of the larger cognitive dissonances I've been describing in my last few blogs. We as a nation are poised to sign off on a policy that diverges so fundamentally from our human instincts that we have, finally, stopped for a moment, possibly genetically unable to simply press on in our usual numbness, and instead we're forced to confront ourselves in something approaching genuine self-appraisal. Thanks, George!

That waterboarding is torture can't really even be open to question. The victim feels she is drowning, because she is. She is then brought back, from the brink as it were, and made to endure it yet again, perhaps many times. Afterwards, there are no physical scars or disfigurement, but mentally and emotionally, PTSD might be one way to describe the residual symptoms, not to mention the potential for complications such as pneumonia due to the large amounts of water that had been forced into her lungs.

Rear Admiral John Hutson testified at the confirmation hearings. Rear Admiral Hutson is an officer, a lawyer, judge advocate general of the Navy, and recipient of more medals and awards than I feel like recounting here. He was testifying at his second confirmation of an Attorney General, having also testified against the confirmation of Alberto Gonzales. After some formal statements, Admiral Hutson offered some additional comments:

You know, torture is the method of choice of the lazy, the stupid and the pseudo-tough. And that should not be the United States. No matter how you define torture. It's unconstitutional, it violates statutes, it violates the UCMJ, it violates Common Article 3, it violates what your mother taught you and it violates what you learned in kindergarten. And we ought not be even close to it.

...

Other than, perhaps the rack and thumbscrews, water-boarding is the most iconic example of torture in history. It was devised, I believe, in the Spanish Inquisition. It has been repudiated for centuries.

It's a little disconcerting to hear now that we're not quite sure where water-boarding fits in the scheme of things.

Disconcerting. A disconcerting cognitive dissonance.

A lie.

I appreciate what George Bush has done for us as a nation. He has brought us together perhaps as no other President before him. We stand amid the rubble of our seemingly adolescent image of our country as a protecter of our value system, and have found it to be an abusive father. We are without question in a state of shock, but I think we're coming out of it. I am still somewhat isolated by my condition, but I imagine the murmurings in offices and break rooms, over drinks after hours, even in meetings and town halls across the country, and of course, on the internet, where I see it happening. We know we have to come together and make some decisions.

We can see the unspeakable horror that is Iraq. We can hear Hamid Karzai's plea from Afghanistan for America to stop dropping bombs on his people. We hear the world's disillusionment with America, even if Bush and Cheney do not, and our pride is deeply wounded.

We have heard of the Hadley Rules, or perhaps you may not have heard them. If not, you can scan through this article by Scott Ritter, called On the Eve of Destruction for more information. Ritter almost seems to imply that American policy, as defined by National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley, is something new, but my reading reveals it as much more a consistent continuation of the long-standing policies of American "Exceptionalism" than is commonly accepted. Nevertheless, the positions implied by Mr. Hadley are shocking in themselves. Negotiation with an adversary such as Iran is deemed to be stalemated until Iran accepts the view of the United States, or there can be no negotiation. That this is nothing like real negotiation is apparently irrelevant. The United States is, quite literally, correct simply because it is the United States.

The underbelly of American government has never been so completely exposed, again thanks to George Bush and his temptingly small group of allies. If we peer at it closely enough, we may actually see the disgusting bloat that has fed the wealthy and the privileged, the military and industrial elite, at the expense of all the rest of Americans since the Constitution was first ratified and immediately hijacked for private ends. If we are finally shocked sufficiently, we just might awaken.

I have a decent reading voice, and have considerable storage facility reserved for me on the internet. I'm considering whether to pursue negotiation with Professor Chomsky's publishers regarding the possibility of my podcasting a chapter a day of his latest two books. Maybe there is a way to get it all into this blog.

The Experts, Pt. 2

I had intended to send my second thought bubble on experts floating out through the netsphere yesterday, but there were many interruptions. Of course, in the interest of honesty, I wasn't entirely sure what that second bubble was about. My overall point is fairly simple, so I'll try to state that here for clarity: expertise is very valuable, but it tends to stifle creative approaches without sufficient feedback from external sources, including novices. Well, that was easy. I would be surprised to find any substantial disagreement with that point of view.

I suspect what's behind the clash of thinking processes is often some basic difference between the value systems of the individuals involved. For a programmer developing a large application, the value system can become skewed in esoteric directions that have little to do with usability, while a user can quite intimidate a developer with his or her wide-ranging knowledge of that application, based on a value system of practical, and even creative, interaction with the software in daily life. Fortunately, the programmer is highly motivated to provide products with features that directly respond to the value systems of the users, and a collaborative effort is made to achieve that goal. This has worked out very well, for the most part, in the world of software.

Much of today's world might be viewed in terms of similar conflicting value systems, and much of what seems broken might be symbolized by the dysfunctional cooperation between those whose value systems do not coincide. This way of looking at the problem could be extended in so many different directions it's hard to know where to begin, but there are three I want to mention initially here, and return to from time to time in future posts. They are:

• American foreign policy and the average American's view of that policy
• Corporate policies and the average American's view of their policies
• Religious doctrine and, again, the average American's view of that doctrine

In each of the three areas above, there is a schism between the posture of a given entity, and the American people themselves. In each case, something of the collaborative process appears to be fundamentally ineffectual. Why should this be? What would short-circuit such a basic process that enjoys such success in environments like that between a software company and its users? With regard to software, a primary motivation for maintaining the balance is competition. If one company's developers don't listen to the users, another company's developers will. Some might refer to that as a "free market", but there can frequently be a dearth of real competition in a free market. In my personal experience, the best software has always been as a result of spirited competition for users between rival applications. Where there are problems related to the list above, it is often a lack of competition that contributes greatly to those problems.

I'm rummaging through all these concepts to try and build some framework for the perspectives I've gained by the reading and study I've been undertaking to try and understand what's behind the unholy mess everyone seems to be making of our lovely little earth. Even a moderately sane human being could only describe the major forces at work in the world today as perverse, or perhaps even the height of madness. I want to find some handy, accessible frames of reference because I've found there is method to be discovered beneath the chaos, and that's the most troubling aspect of all. It's one thing to feel that we're careening out of control. It's quite another to feel controlled. But there it is.

I have finished Noam Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival, and am nearly halfway through Howard Zinn's A Power Governments Cannot Suppress. These are books which stand against some elements the authors see as highly intentional, not some muddied result of poor planning, but from the perspective of average folks like you and I, an opposing force. I can't compel you to read these books, but now that I have, I need to find ways to integrate the perspective I've gained into this blog in a meaningful way that relates to shared knowledge. I don't expect I'll be able to accomplish that overnight, but I believe such an effort can be useful.

A lot of it is about respect. I developed a deep respect for the experts at Microsoft, and an equal respect for the armies of users. I encountered an application, then known as Outlook Express, and now, Windows Mail, from the perspective of bits and bytes, and hundreds of thousands of lines of code that, after some natural recoil from what seemed an enormous task, taught me to respect the subtle, intricate structure of the creation as it existed before my intrusion into its arcane world. After much study, what had seemed like random flights of fancy revealed beauties of design all the more satisfying because those secrets were only revealed when I had applied myself with sufficient effort to make myself ready to receive them. At Microsoft, software can have mystical overtones!

I have learned a little about respect, and the rewards that can be gained when sufficient respect is paid to the object of interest. The Zen of everyday life might be described as learning to have genuine respect with regard to all we encounter. So I do feel motivated to treat these questions with sufficient respect. As an indication of that, I will respect what seems like a good place to stop for the moment. If I've given the reader anything to consider further here, I will be pleased; but this is also for my benefit. Some parts of them will continue to rattle around in my head for the next day or two, until I know it's time to let some more of them spill out on my keyboard.

The Experts, Pt. 1

In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few.

-- Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind

I have used that quote before, only about a month ago, and I'm sure I will use it again. It's one of my favorites. We have a lot of experts around. I've known some of them. It's a major achievement when a person gains a reputation of genuine expertise in his or her chosen field.

When I reflect on my past, I can boast of having gained sufficient respect for my own expertise that I was allowed into the inner circles of development efforts that resulted in the latest edition of the operating system known as Windows Vista® (and Windows Live®, too, by the way). I have written many thousands of lines of code as my part of that effort, and if we discard false showings of either humility or pride, I can be considered an expert repository of knowledge that's of no small importance to our world.

I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had in the past, and perhaps will again in the future, to acquire and build on that reputation in the interest of stretching the boundaries of the digital aspects of our lives. The sales figures of Windows Vista® attest, hopefully, to real acceptance of our efforts, and the promise of Vista® for its advancements and support for new and exciting possibilities of working with information and communicating it to others. It all could have been done without me, of course, but it couldn't have happened without The Experts.

At Microsoft, there is a very healthy respect for expertise. The amazing people who can navigate comfortably through the labyrinthian core of Windows source code with deep understanding and respect for the intentions and far-reaching impact of seemingly obscure subroutines and branches have my deepest respect. They are the foundation, and theirs are the shoulders whereon we stand as we explore those possibilities they've helped to enable. And I've been often amused when the experts are pulled up short by a novice whose question the experts might choose to reject.

Innovation at Microsoft has always been a collaborative effort between the experts and the novices. It's an ideal laboratory for examining the compartmentalization of thinking, and the frequently encountered "inside-the-box" limitations of standardized thinking. Fortunately for Microsoft developers, we have frequently been forced to come to grips with those limitations, and to reach out in innovative directions that challenge our mental routines. That's an experience not to be minimized, and I bring that element of my background to this effort with unchecked enthusiasm.

This is part 1 of my rant on The Experts. I have much more on this topic bouncing around in my head, but it's almost time for the #1 Ohio State Buckeyes to play Penn State (can you tell I was born and raised in Ohio?), so I'll stop for now. I'll pick this up again within the next posting or two.

I want to leave a link to a short blog I posted today on my.barack.obama. I've already stated my support for his campaign, and that I maintain a small, more "politically-correct" blog there on his web site. The theme of that post is very relevant to this topic, so if you'd like to read that as well, here it is: When Will We Learn?

Instinct

One of the few things I've figured out is that this blog is about instinct. But that's a very tricky word to deal with. My handy Encarta Dictionary tells me that instinct has three primary definitions:

in·stinct [ín stìngkt]
noun (plural in·stincts)
1. strong natural impulse: a powerful impulse that feels natural rather than reasoned
followed his instincts and took to his heels

2. biological drive: an inborn pattern of behavior characteristic of a species and shaped by biological necessities such as survival and reproduction
the survival instinct

3. knack: a natural gift or skill
an instinct for putting people at ease

adjective
filled: completely filled or imbued with something (formal)
a look instinct with compassion

Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

In keeping with the Microsoft product placement ads, I bounced from the dictionary to Encarta itself, and found a decent little discussion about instinct. But I often reference Wikipedia in this blog, partly because Wikipedia is such a unique internet reference, it has a mind-boggling number of contributors, and a large percentage of them are highly responsible and take ownership to protect its integrity as much as possible. It's far from perfect, obviously, but it's pretty irresistible, in my opinion.

The second sentence of Wikipedia's definition highlights the problem with the direction I'm trying to go here. It says: "Instincts are unlearned, inherited fixed action patterns of responses or reactions to certain kinds of stimuli." Or at least it said that just now, assuming it hasn't been edited. The common dictionary associations are to aspects of us that are literally still animal, sometimes even reptilian. Instincts can be viewed sometimes as part of our common heritage of survival, and sometimes as the vestiges of ignorance. So where in all that would you expect to find characteristics like altruism, conscience, or moral disgust? Is there such a thing as an innate moral instinct?

I started to google around, but I stopped myself. I want to use my instinct.

I will point over to Huffington Post again, though. I guess I'm going over there too much, but of course there are always lots of lively discussions on a variety of topics, and I'm not visiting DailyKOS as much right now, because they appear to be just a little too attached to Chevron ad money, and I really have a problem with that. Not that Huffington Post is pure, or anything.

Anyway: Giuliani: I'm Not Sure Waterboarding Is Torture. Rudy's distinction can be readily dismissed. Waterboarding is torture.

I did google around after making that statement, but I stopped again.

Right now, at least, there's some pretty widespread obfuscation on the internet around this question. Just for fun, I went over to Wikipedia and looked up waterboarding. The definition in Wikipedia begins with this phrase: "Waterboarding is a form of torture ..."

All right, we know Wikipedia can't claim to be the authority. That six-word phrase is immediately followed by 9 footnotes, some of which I'm sure call the phrase into question; I didn't look at them all. But here's another sentence, which has no footnotes, and is not considered to be in dispute: "It elicits the gag reflex, and can make the subject believe his or her death is imminent while not causing physical evidence of torture." If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, etc.

We've been seeing definitions of torture, and those definitions are themselves undergoing a form of torture. That's the problem with words. It's why I can't talk much about Zen, because Zen is beyond words. But is something that can't be expressed, tasted, touched or felt real?

What do you see when you turn out the lights?
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.

-- With A Little Help From My Friends, The Beatles

I'm listening to Thom Hartmann right now, from the streaming archive area of the AirAmerica web site, since I didn't listen to his show live this morning. Thom's talking about Giuliani and waterboarding, too. Hey, I thought of it first! But this is a very popular topic.

Words and definitions can be turned against us, if you believe in something like what I'm talking about. Let's continue to be imprecise in our terminology, and go on calling it instinct. I instinctively feel that torture of any kind is morally wrong. I feel that it steals something, not just from the victim, but from the interrogator, and from us, too, if we allow it. I feel it robs us of our humanity.

These are vague terms. I have not made what you would call a logical argument. Actually, there is no shortage of superb logical arguments equating waterboarding with torture, and of the incompatibility of the practice of torture with the highest, and most successful, ideals of humanity. But let's say I haven't read those arguments. I would contend that I knew the answer beforehand, because I knew it instinctively.

This is impossible, really, what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to use words to defend what can't be expressed by them. You try it. But we're getting down to the basics now. Say what you will, my position regarding torture is a core belief. In a traditional form of expression, it is a part of my religious belief, in a very real sense. There is something deep inside me that I feel I absolutely have to trust, not because of what anyone has said, or anything I read in the Bible. I don't wish to ever have to stand against someone, especially in a political sense, in a matter solely based on my private, personal belief, but I have no choice. If I allow this matter to fall under the purview of the legal system, my belief could be overruled, outflanked by some finely-tuned argument, and I could never accept that.

In a more honest atmosphere, someday the honest arguments may be sufficient, and given time, the weight of solid argument will settle this matter in more conventional terms. Until that time, I believe there are things I need to hold close to my heart, against all odds. I hold certain truths to be self-evident.

In these blogs recently where I have discussed Zen, I've reduced it to a simple practice of sitting with good posture and breathing deeply; nothing more. That's really all it is. American Zen needs a whole new language to describe it, because in the Japaneze Zen and Chinese Ch'an traditions, when they speak about their practice, they do it in terms of their own culture, and I think that's caused a lot of unnecessary confusion. I hope I can contribute a little to the language of American Zen by demystifying the practice. It's just healthy. Just do it and don't get all wrapped up in it, and don't get too excited about it. In one sense, it's just a form of calisthenics.

Of course, there are those things that can't be expressed. I'm not at all comfortable yet with discussing that part of Zen, partly because it's so hard. But I think I've touched on it a little bit here, in an oblique sort of way. I've personally had a difficult time meditating since my birthday, but I'm getting back into the groove again. When I take time on a regular basis to sit in zazen, I know that for a period of time the normal concerns and distractions no longer pull me back and forth, and I make a connection, difficult of course to describe, with that creature that is just me.

When I say I don't condone torture, it's just me.

State Of Fire

California As Seen From Space 10/22/07

About a million people have been evacuated, probably the largest mass movement of Americans since the Civil War. Thousands of homes destroyed, nearly half a million acres of forests are burning, and it's still going strong. A couple of weeks ago, I predicted we would soon find out what our boiling point really is. I'm not fond of being right just now. I'm actually becoming rather depressed about how right I've been. I'm not bragging, I'm pleading. I'm afraid I'm going to be right about my other warning -- you know, the nuclear one -- although it may not matter if we've already burned up.

Perspective is a funny thing. You, whoever you are, may be reading this, and you may be concerned about the California fires, but you may also be somewhat amused by my tone here, because you're pretty sure we're going to come through all this somehow. Well, my tone is what it is because I'm not sure. I pray California soon receives the weather breaks it needs, and it can begin to try and recover, this time. But virtually every scientist not in the employ of ExxonMobil is telling us that the effects of climate change are increasing exponentially, each condition becoming a contributing factor in the worsening of other conditions, and so on. On Venus they called it a runaway greenhouse effect.

I tried to watch some of CNN's "Planet In Peril" thing, but I couldn't. Nice hi-def shots, and all that, but, really, what was that? I agree it's scandalous, criminal and horribly damaging the way endangered species are captured and sold, but, but ... there's a larger message, and CNN is still behaving like the good corporatist tool.

And so it goes, as Vonnegut used to say. And so it goes.

If you dig around, you can find a few more direct stories from the MSM. Here's a study published on MSNBC: Study: Warming is stronger, happening sooner. It says, among other things, that carbon dioxide emissions in 2006 were 35% higher than they were in 1990. 35%. We appear to be our very own runaway greenhouse environmental catastrophe. Just wait until the ice caps melt.

We're still living in the Twilight Zone. Every aspect of our world and our society is telling us we have to change now, radically, dramatically, immediately. But soon we'll have the chill winter winds to drive us back indoors by the fireplace, and soon we'll drift back to sleep.

My own condition isn't that good, actually. I've been taking an awful lot of medication, and I haven't really improved. I'm not able to get around well, and I'm still thinking that I will improve, you know, for a while anyway, but my condition may have something to do with my own reluctance to drift off with the rest of you. Time is relative. It may well be that none of us have nearly enough of it.

Everything you fear about change may be nothing compared to my fear of the status quo, as it now exists. I feel very strongly that you should fear the status quo as much as I do. I have not been indulging in much speculation regarding radical societal change before now, because I, too, was thinking we had more time. It's time to go with my instincts. I want you to search inside yourselves. It's time to re-think. It's time to cut off our emissions.

One little fire, and here I start shrieking that the sky is falling.

The Twilight Zone

Change in public consciousness starts with low-level discontent, at first vague, with no connection being made between the discontent and the policies of the government. And then the dots begin to connect, indignation increases, and people begin to speak out, organize, and act.

-- Howard Zinn,
A Power Governments
Cannot Suppress

I've added the final book (for now) to my new collection, and you can see from the quote above which book that might be. A Power Governments Cannot Suppress is a new collection of essays by that silver-tongued American critic Howard Zinn. I had wanted to buy it on Sunday, but Border's was out of stock, so I grabbed it today from Barnes & Noble. Although it's just out, it's in paperback, and a terrific bargain at $16.95. This isn't a book for hard-cover first editions; it's a book for the Revolution.

I've only read the first essay so far, so I've hardly earned the right to get on the internet and blog about it. First instincts are often fairly accurate, however, and I think this book holds a place of honor on my now-lengthy current reading list. If you're planning on reading along, here it is:

• Failed States, by Noam Chomsky -- Completed, as I noted several days ago
  
• Hegemony or Survival, by Noam Chomsky -- I hope to complete this book tomorrow
  
• A Power Governments Cannot Suppress, by Howard Zinn
  
• The Conscience of a Liberal, by Paul Krugman
  
• Cracking The Code, by Thom Hartmann
  
• I Am America (And So Can You!), by Stephen Colbert
  
• The Chomsky Reader, by Noam Chomsky
  
• Collapse, by Jared Diamond -- I started reading this when I broke off to read Chomsky, and I want to go back and finish as soon as I can

I suppose I could have provided links to all those books, but you've got the list, now go to the bookstore. And since we're doing book lists, let's do one more short one, so I can note some of the more helpful books I've read earlier:

• A People's History of the United States, by Howard Zinn -- I've already woven the themes of this book into several blogs. Just as Chomsky's books are essential to understanding American foreign policy from a humanist and global perspective, this is the essential book for understanding the historical context of economic and class struggle in America.
• A New History of the United States, by William Miller -- Or any other fairly standard version of American history. It's useful to read conventional American history side-by-side with Howard Zinn's version.
• The Assault On Reason, by Al Gore -- This is a courageous book if you haven't read it, and addresses today's problems in many important ways. That it was written by Al Gore makes it required reading. Sorry, if you're lukewarm about Al, but he's literally that important, regardless of how you may feel about him personally.
• Armed Madhouse, by Greg Palast -- Other books and information sources had shaken some of my media-induced preconceptions, but nothing early last spring had quite the impact of this book. It's still more than relevant, and Mr. Palast is both a skilled investigative reporter and an excellent writer.
• The Trap, by Daniel Brook -- This short book describes the social and economic quandaries of today's educated middle class as well as anything I've ever read. It's an eye-opener!
• Guns, Germs and Steel, by Jared Diamond -- This is a revolutionary study of human history, full of insight and careful study of the factors of climate, availability of resources, and microbial influence on the shape of civilization from its beginnings up to today.

There are many other books, and I'm constantly reading books on many other topics -- Zen, of course, literature, poetry, quantum physics, computer programming, and a lot more. Yes, I did identify with Burgess Meredith watching that Twilight Zone episode when I was perhaps eleven. Even then, with all the directions my life would take, and all the interactions I would have, deep down I was Burgess Meredith, and I just wanted to have All The Time In The World.

I want to get back to my books now. But there's also so much to discover here on the internet, and once I'm here, it's hard to resist finding my handy blog and sharing a few of my thoughts about it all before moving on. And the Twilight Zone reference seems fitting on multiple levels to me right now. I almost feel like I'm in one of those episodes; I mean, I know I'm a little more isolated than usual right now, but that's not it. Today's America has literally taken on a surreal quality, don't you think? It's inconceivable to me we should actually be struggling with the issues we're having now, when from the most basic and uncomplicated moral perspective, the direction is clear.

For no particular reason, of all the blog sites out there, I'm going to point again to Huffington Post, and another blog by Ariana Huffington, this one called Midnight in America: The Mainstreaming of the GOP's Lunatic Fringe. Actually, there's practically another disconnect even between Ms. Huffington's post and the many comments that follow, because Ms. Huffington does not yet appear to have quite the full sense yet of the absurdity that is politics in today's America. She's close, and her blog is excellent, but there is despair in these comments, and it's primal. I'm not sure how many Americans identify with the George Bush and Dick Cheney we see today, but most of us, I'm sure, identify with the students who met with Bush a few weeks ago and presented him with a plea to disavow torture. I think all but the most hardened Border Watch vigilante does not want to think of herself as part of a system that does the things we're doing to people here and abroad. Worse yet, for all our protests, no one seems actually to be listening. Doo-doo-doo-doo!

There'll be occasion in blogs over the next few days to shift from books to specific events as they seem to shed light on where things might be headed. For now, things seem a bit like one of those slow-motion scenes of carnage, where bodies fly in Iraq, Afghanistan and now, Pakistan, while the President and Vice-President turn with yearning eyes to Persia. Scattered about are various atrocities, like in Guernica, little atrocities like lies, smears, dirty tricks, hypocrisy, cronyism, corruption, racism, and greed. And, as Ms. Huffington notes, this is the Mainstream.

Guernica, by Pablo Picasso

It doesn't seem too mysterious to me why this has occurred. Or, it does, but at least I do have some sense of motive. At the risk of belaboring the point, it's clear that the wealthy and powerful have manipulated the still-formidable number of weak-minded, malleable citizens in our midst, and have manipulated less weak-minded, but still malleable public citizenry with smaller fortunes of their own. Now, those very accommodating servants are performing a ritual for their masters, spinning up fear and hatred until we generate more war and more hatred, turn ourselves into a full police state, and metamorphose. Unless some of us can find another way.

If we adhere to minimum scientific standards by requiring evidence, I can find little reason for hope from today's Congress, or the mainstream media (henceforth referenced as the MSM -- us folks at Microsoft love TLA's). Both appear to be largely under control of corporations, and act according to corporational morality, which is by definition inhuman -- hence the Twilight Zone.

It's going to require more of my energies than I would like to have to expend in order to do my part to turn us away from further wars, and home from our current wars. As long as people are dying when they don't have to, I feel guilty for the moments I steal only for myself. I do need to do this reading, however. I need to know better how to fight. (Remember, for me, the word "fight" may not mean what it does to you. I have also read Mahatma Ghandi, and Martin Luther King, and Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.)

When I need to laugh, there's Colbert. When I need ammunition for economic disputes, there's Krugman. When I need to better understand our world, there's Chomsky and Diamond. When I need to know how to talk to these people, there's Hartmann. When I need to be inspired, there's Zinn.

I'll give you one more preview of Howard Zinn's first essay, then you can go buy the book yourself:

We live in a beautiful country. But people who have no respect for human life, freedom or justice have taken it over. It is now up to all of us to take it back.

-- Howard Zinn, A Power Governments Cannot Suppress

Fair Game

Valerie Plame Wilson was interviewed this evening on 60 Minutes. I'm not aware of any new information that was revealed, but even in 2007, 60 Minutes coverage can have quite an impact. After the emotional wringer Americans have experienced with Iraq and the myriad effects of the War on Terror, can we digest the full implications of having leaked Ms. Wilson's covert role? I suspect this is going to be sticking in our throats for the next few days whether we have room for it or not. There is so little room, after all, what with global warming, Pakistan, FISA, etc. I've literally worn myself out keeping up with it all today, so this will be brief, because I'm digesting, too. My intention is to write a full-length blog entry tomorrow or Tuesday, and the impact of Ms. Wilson's interview will be in the foreground of my thoughts.

I'm still trying to finish Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival, because I've been splitting up my time in so many directions. But that didn't stop me from buying more books! I've got some reading material to help me brush up my technical style with Word 2007 for some improved blogging techniques, and I'm looking forward to an occasional break from all this seriousness by learning a few fun techie tricks.

I got a few other books as well, some of which I may discuss later, but one book I want to mention because it's also fun, and we can use some of that right now. It's I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert.

As you probably know, Stephen is now one of our Presidential Candidates:

I've only read through the first chapter (The Family), but if your sense of humor is anything like mine, I highly recommend this book. I hope to save further chapters for when I really need them. I won't give any of it away, but I will reprint a paragraph from the blurb on the inside of the book jacket (which I'm pretty sure was also written by Stephen Colbert):

You may not agree with what Stephen says, but at the very least, you'll understand that your differing opinion is wrong.

Hey, if Tim Russert can take a break from his more serious interviews with, um, Bill Cosby, why can't I? So, to finish up with this nonsense, here's the Colbert Meet The Press interview you may not have seen: the "Take Two" web portion of the interview courtesy of MSNBC:

Take two: Colbert on comedy

Blog Action Day Redux

I was listening to Ring of Fire on AirAmerica radio, and an interview with Robert Greenwald about his media company, Brave New Films. I visited that company's web site and found this little video about Blog Action Day, which I'm sure everyone has seen, but I thought it was cool, anyway. There's something almost metaphysical about all those voices sounding a single, important theme through the electronic universe. It's worth revisiting for a moment here.



A couple of clean-up notes from the "birthday blog":

I was quickly reminded that I had misremembered my own state district. I live in Washington's 8th District, of course, so I'm issuing that correction here, and correcting it in the original post. So much for credibility. Sheesh!

I received a response from cartoonist John Sherffius, who suggested I contact Copley News for any necessary permissions. I've sent them an email request, and it will be interesting to learn more about proper etiquette regarding reproduction of such material on the blogosphere. So many details!

Happy Birthday To Me!

It's my birthday today! I am now officially an old fart. I have lived sixty years now on this earth, and there's been a whole lot to see. There's been a lot to like, and, well, there's been a lot that's hard to like. Today is a milestone, however, and milestones should be celebrated. I intend to make some additions to this blog at various times today in a pretty random manner, and I plan to leverage my newfound status as elder statesman by indulging myself shamelessly at every opportunity. Forewarned is forearmed!

I'm intending to publish twice today; once now, and again late tonight with the "finished" product. I can't wait to see how this turns out!

I've been experimenting a bit today with the new blogging facilities in Word 2007, but there are a lot of things to work out in that area. I'm a C++ dev, folks. I've written a lot of HTML, but that's never been my focus, so I can get just as confused in this area as anybody else. It about drove me crazy just trying to put a nice label beneath the picture you see on the right. It's my birthday, so I'm not gonna fight this stuff today. The picture is an artist's conception of the Imagine Peace Tower on Videy Island in Reykjavik, Iceland, as dedicated by Yoko Ono to John Lennon. You can find out more about it at ImaginePeace.com.

I'll be back later today to publish the final version of today's blog. Don't look for me to work out all the kinks in Word 2007/Blogger synchronization today, but I'll be digging into these issues over the next few weeks.

So much nasty stuff going on today. Explosions in Pakistan as Bhutto attemts to return, the S-CHIP veto was upheld, we're all trying to figure out why President Bush is talking about World War III, and so on. I haven't meditated yet today. While a howling windstorm starts to blow up outside, I'll try to flush out my brain a little bit, and make a fresh start later.

I've just discovered cartoonist John Sherffius, whose sense of irony appeals to me. I've attempted to contact Mr. Sherffius to request permission to display this cartoon, but the MSNBC contact information appears to be outdated. The cartoon indicates he's affiliated with Boulder Camera, but that's all I know right now.

UPDATE 10/26/07: I've received a response from Copley News Service to the effect that a $100 fee is required to purchase reprint rights. That's not surprising, and cartoonists and their employers need to make money, too. I have removed the picture, and I'm replacing it with this link: Editorial Cartoon by John Sherffius. Hopefully, that will be sufficient, and I won't be receiving a bill. If I get one, I guess I'll pay it. My copy of the cartoon was out there for a week.

No, I'm not drunk, although I probably should be. I don't drink much at all. There's a very expensive bottle of scotch in my cupboard I'm going to break out in a minute. It was given to me by some of my MS project leaders when I completed a phase of my work for an early Alpha version of Vista (then known only as Longhorn). That bottle's been sitting there for a long time, and my sixtieth birthday seems like a great time to finally allow its intended use. In Vino Veritas! (And that goes for scotch, too!)

Glenfiddich Special Reserve! Aged 12 years before it ever got to me, then about 3-1/2 more years back in the dark recesses of my cupboard. It tastes rich, believe me! It's strong and full-flavored, and there's something about it that says this is the way that scotch is supposed to taste. I haven't tasted Glenfiddich scotch since the mid-seventies in Manhattan, and I don't know that I've ever tasted their "Special Reserve" stock. Microsoft doesn't do anything small. This is the good stuff! I'll work on this for a while, and when I think I'm ready, I'll be ba-a-ack!


I need a better divider than this crappy bamboo border, don't I? I'll look for one. Am I drunk yet? No, no, I don't think so. This scotch is good, though.

I was thinking about a phone call I got yesterday. I live in Washington State's 8th district (like, that's where Microsoft is, dude!), and I got a call last night from Dave Reichert, our Congressman. I participated in a little group discussion (we're having a windstorm right now that's affecting my internet connection. Typing into this blog is flakey -- or is it the scotch?). I'm not sure how many constituents were online with the Congressman, but I waited my turn and was able to ask my question at the end. I asked about Iraq. I asked if it wasn't time to work hard with the rest of Congress to resolve the "problem" of Iraq as soon as possible. Congressman Reichert is a Republican. He's known as a "moderate Republican", in that he makes at least some attempt to protect ANWR, he voted for S-CHIP, that sort of thing. But he firmly defended the Bush tax cuts earlier in the discussion, and in response to my question, he defended the "war". When he complained about the unwieldy prospect of 435 generals (meaning Congress), I complained back. I'm not sure if my phone was open, especially since the Congressman spoke over my response, but I noted "Congressman, it would seem that we have 300 million generals, and most of them are against the war!". I kind of think my remark was heard by the others, but I've no way to be sure.

When Congressman Reichert concluded, it seemed I may have cast a bit of a pall on the otherwise according-to-script procedures, and the Congressman's aide piped up with "Hey, look at the time!", and we all scooted off. I hung around to leave a voice mail, though, to punctuate my anti-war remarks. I believe they went something like: "Congressman, I couldn't disagree with you more about the war. These are life and death matters we're discussing here, sir, and, you know, the odds are, in a year the Democrats will win the election, and we'll go home! [Pause for effect.] Let's go now."

I doubt if I did any good, but it's always nice to get my two cents' worth in. The Congressman's office may have grabbed my contact info as a result of some of my passionate phone calls and email protests, then perhaps confused me with my father (who has the same name, but is a veteran). He may not have realized he called an old hippie!

I'm not going to engage in personal attacks here against Congressman Reichert. He's our Congressman, duly elected as far as I know, and while I may not agree with him on every issue, we still have elections, at least for the time being. We'll see what happens here in Washington's 8th District in 2008. And he does have some good points, and I told him so in the voice mail.


Over the past couple of days, I was also active in commenting on an Ariana Huffington blog on Huffington Post. Ms. Huffington had been granted an interview with Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and video for that interview was posted to the web site. For some time prior to the interview, Ms. Huffington had been soliciting questions from web site members and visitors, but of course, everyone just wanted to ask about impeachment. In her "infinite wisdom", apparently, Ms. Huffington chose to ignore that line of reasoning, and in her interview she focused primarily on Iraq, ignoring the question of impeachment entirely. Afterwards, noting the visceral response to her omission, she wrote a new post that opened the floor to commenters regarding her decision. You can read her post and all the comments here: Ending The War vs Impeachment: Following Up on the Pelosi Interview. If you're looking for my comments, I'm "donaldw6", there and many other places on the internet. The passion for impeachment has never been quite so obvious as it is in these comments.

At some point during this group conversation, I got tangled up with someone who calls himself "Professor73". He kept badgering me for proof that the Bush Administration had done anything at all that could be termed an impeachable offense, and I kept trying to provide substantiation for my claims. Eventually, he tried to stoop to condescension, but I didn't bite. I tried to convince him we weren't sufficiently respecting each other's views, and to reassure him that we could find common ground. His response stopped me short. The professor has a son who is soon to be deployed in Iraq. He believes this war would be over quickly if we'd just let it happen. It was awfully hard to know what to say. This is what I responded:

In everything I do or say, sir, I will try to think of what's best for your
son before I think of what's best for me. That's a guarantee!

My prayers are with you and your family.

Then I cried for a while. It's no shock to me that this isn't some abstract mess, that it's real and personal, but it still hit me.

I hate all this! I need another scotch!

It's hard to meditate if you're tipsy. I have not been good today. I'll try again in a few minutes. I've been reading about utopias, since we're Imagining. I think the Utopia I imagined while I was growing up was "Scientific/Technological Utopia", which maybe explains how I became a Windows developer eventually. We expected to have flying cars by now, man-sized cauliflowers big enough to feed everybody, and atomic energy enough for all. We thought science could generate so much surplus, we'd never have to worry again, everything would be done for us, and we'd have an endless array of wondrous toys to play with. We lived in hope.

I don't believe I ever read Sir Thomas More on the topic. I bet I had the book at some point, and now it's in my ex's library somewhere. Oh well. But looking through the summaries on the internet, Sir Thomas envisioned a perfectly ordered and tolerant society with no concept of property, but the arrangement was imposed. The emphasis was not on freedom, but order. It's probably a good thing that the derivation of the word "Utopia" is described as:

from Greek: οὐ no, and τόπος, place, i.e. "no place" or "place that does not exist," as well as "perfect place"

-- Wikipedia

I guess we've known for a long time that perfection will always be an unreachable goal. And if perfection is so impossible, what does it matter, maybe, if we backslide a little? If we're never going to become that truly perfect, humane, and tolerant society, then so what if we torture a little here and there? So what if some fall by the wayside in the Economic Jungle's Survival of the Fittest? So who cares what happens in this evil world? It will all be better in the next life.

I'm sixty. Shixty!

(Hic!)

Why can't I just meditate, and forget all about this pathetic world? I've got what I need from it. I'm no longer dependent on it for additional resources, things being what they are. I have reached a stage where I can successfully stand outside of things, and generate a Zen force field to protect me from feeling for all you youngsters, still struggling, still dreaming. I can exist beyond you now!

Of course, that's not how Zen works.

No meditation today. I'll have to get back to business in the morning. Birthday's over, anyway. It's now 1:28 AM PDT. (When do we go back to Standard Time, anyway? This weekend?)

Psst! Hey, you! Nobody is going to read this birthday blog all the way down this far, so it's just me and you. I'm gonna let it all out, 'cause nobody's ever gonna hear it but you an' me. We're done for. We know what we know, but we don't know what we don't know, and there's something we still don't know. Unless everyone has gone finally, completely insane, there really is an internal logic at work for someone that's behind all that's going on, and I think it's because there's something really bad that can't be stopped. Maybe it's something to do with global warming, maybe it's something in the Middle East, I don't know, you don't know, but things have gotten really stark. It only makes "sense" if we're reacting to something even worse.

I mean, I don't know if we're really about to get WWIII raining down on us, or if Bush and Cheney are going to parade around in their new uniforms tomorrow, but we're seeing a shift. It's not hidden. It's not rumors. This is simply what's being talked about everywhere. Is there anyone not telling you this? Months ago, I thought we might see some small movement towards sanity, because I was sure what I was seeing and hearing couldn't last in a semi-reasonable society, but it's just been ratcheting up. Now we're thinking everything's gonna be fixed by a new election, and instead it's just ratcheting up some more. Do you see a pattern?

Just looking at what we know, it almost seems like enough. Neoconservative philosophies are failing across the globe. The great African Free Trade experiment has been declared a colossal failure, an indictment of Reaganism of historic proportions. Iraq is unspeakable. The Religious Right are spinning like dervishes. Conservatism is in tatters, and harassing children. The great resources of the economic bulwark of the establishment are fading, in addition to blatant exposure as a raging plague on nature. Progressive voices are blasting the truth through the internet, and the public stands clearly opposed by overwhelming majorities to the state of things.

But off we go, rolling merrily along. Because most of us just have work to do, and even though we know, we don't have time. Most of us just get the chance to glance up for a second, see how things have changed, and get back to work. That's how it happens. In Utopia we might have time to do something about this. But when reason fails, the ones with the forces get to take charge. That's what to look forward to.

It will be tried. They've never flinched at trying anything. It's all they've got left besides blackmail.

Fading now. Hope nobody reads this. I'm not sure I remember what I said. Yeah, yeah, happy birthday. Sixty! Who would have ever thought?

It's all part of the great dance, if you look at things cosmically. If you don't discriminate. If you're a True Man of No Rank, you can move through the water without causing a ripple.

Ho-hum! Night, all!